I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill
Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon
I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein
All truths are easy to understand
once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
- Galileo Galilei
The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.
- Terry Goodkind
I don't know if we each have a destiny,
or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze.
But I, I think maybe it's both.
- the movie Forrest Gump
The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Inspire people to do things for themselves.
Inspire people to think for themselves.
- Bono
If a problem cannot be solved, enlarge it.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The earth is like a spaceship
that didn't come with an operating manual.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day;
live life to the fullest;
make the most of what you have.
It is later than you think.
- Horace
The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy
Our brain is the factory of the emotions
- don Miguel Ruiz
Think for yourself and question authority.
- Timothy Leary
The value of an idea has nothing whatsoever
to do with the sincerity of the man who expresses it.
- Oscar Wilde
Suffering is everywhere. Don't ever think it isn't.
So are miracles. Don't ever think they aren't.
- Jewel
Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.