Thank you, God, for this good life by Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life
by Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart

I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

I am a self-centered spoiled-rotten brat,
Thank you for nurturing me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

Life is a nurturing mother,
when you just remember to say "thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton

I thank Spirit for EVERYTHING
that has brought me to this moment,
and entrust my entire being
to the gentle nurture of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien

It is my choice to care deeply about others.
No kindness is too small to be important -
the smile to the bank teller,
the sincere "thank you" for all kindnesses received,
the reassuring hand on the shoulder of a loved one or friend.
There is compassion in selfless generosity,
but there is also compassion in heartfelt empathy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I take every opportunity to articulate to others
the ways that they have blessed and influenced me.
I hold sweet memories of making the opportunity
to thank teachers who have influenced me.
I encourage everyone to seize opportunities
to tell people who have made a gift of knowledge or influence.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I thank you God for this most amazing day,
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and for the blue dream of sky
and for everything which is natural,
which is infinite, which is yes.
- e. e. cummings

I thank God for my handicaps, for through them,
I have found myself, my work and my God.
- Helen Keller

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Thank you, God, for this good lifeby Garrison Keillor

Funny Quotes

Thank you, God, for this good life
by Garrison Keillor