I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
- Albert Einstein
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton
My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you
before you can move on.
- the movie Forrest Gump
It is easier to put on slippers
than to carpet the entire world
- Al Franken
Gardening is all about optimism.
I put a seed in the ground.
I consistently tend it,
confident I will see the results, in time,
of the nurture I have provided.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others,
you should put a good deal of thought
into the happiness that you are able to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Believe that none of the effort you put
into coming closer to God is ever wasted -
even if in the end you don't achieve
what you are striving for.
- Rebbe Nachman of Breslov
It is not the magnitude of our actions
but the amount of love
that is put into them that matters.
- Mother Teresa
You only get out what you put in.
- Anonymous
Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.
- Abraham Lincoln
It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary
to put all the play and learning into childhood,
all the work into middle age,
and all the regrets into old age.
- Margaret Mead
Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air.
They are where they should be.
Now put the foundations under them.
- Henry David Thoreau
No duty the Executive had to perform was so trying
as to put the right man in the right place.
- Thomas Jefferson
Simply put, mindfulness is moment-to-moment non-judgmental awareness.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
I put aside personal preferences and step forward to be of service.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nobody has ever asked the nuclear family to live
all by itself in a box the way we do.
With no relatives, no support,
we've put it in an impossible situation.
- Margaret Mead
In a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon,
it will be an entire nation.
For all of us must work to put him there.
- John F. Kennedy
Put some distance between yourself
and whatever is concerning you.
Distance in space or time
always creates a new perspective.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Are creeds such simple things like the clothes
which a man can change at will - and put on at will?
Creeds are such for which people live for ages and ages.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Never put passion before principle.
Even if win, you lose.
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid 2
Angry and happy don't mix.
Flush out the angry,
and the happy has a place to put down roots.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Wise men put their trust in ideas
and not in circumstances
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
What I recognized is that you can't put it together.
It's already together, and what you have to do
is experience it being together.
- Werner Erhard
When you put on a uniform,
there are certain inhibitions that you accept.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
An idea that is developed and put into action
is more important than
an idea that exists only as an idea.
- The Buddha
Love wasn't put in your heart to stay.
Love isn't love until you give it away.
- Michael W. Smith
One is taught by experience to put a premium
on those few people who can appreciate you for what you are.
- Gail Godwin
Only love has the ability to put you in that state of bliss
- don Miguel Ruiz
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
- Thomas Jefferson
(also attributed to Benjamin Franklin and Lord Chesterfield)
Who were you before you put yourself last.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
You can do anything you put your mind to.
- Anonymous
Let us honor all children,
and put ourselves into service
preparing a magnificent
earthly home for future generations.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We believe that if men have the talent
to invent new machines that put men out of work,
they have the talent to put those men back to work.
- John F. Kennedy
Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do...
but how much love we put in that action.
- Mother Teresa
If you have built castles in the air,
your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be.
Now put foundations under them.
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.