Pie, pie, pie.
- Michael (1996)
- the movie Michael (1996)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) 
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Anger spells dANGER.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill
Today is probably a good day for something;
but it's a better day for doing nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Human salvation lies in the hands
of the creatively maladjusted.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Lighten up, have a rainbows and butterflies kind of day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
I feel coming on a strange disease - humility.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
- Abraham Lincoln
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
Keep Searching for the Rabbit-Hole with the Magical White Rabbit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh at Life - it's certainly laughing at you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today, I Tap Dance Across The Stage of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
I have tried lately to read Shakespeare,
and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me.
- Charles Darwin
What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
It would be insane for me to
lose sleep over the opinions of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche
It's better to burn out, than to fade away.
- Neil Young
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
Humor is reason gone mad.
- Groucho Marx
Self confident independent thinker -
sounds like the makings of a hero.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort of thought.
- John F. Kennedy
Truth is a tendency.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
- Winston Churchill
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
I have taken more out of alcohol
than alcohol has taken out of me.
- Winston Churchill
Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
The invisible and nonexistent look much alike.
- Delos B. McKown
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.