Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Unless they share our opinions,
we seldom find people sensible.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker
Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain
The most important service rendered
by the press and the magazines
is that of educating people
to approach printed matter with distrust.
- Samuel Butler
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.