The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter 
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Facts are stubborn things,
but statistics are more pliable.
- Laurence J. Peter
Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
- Laurence J. Peter
There are two kinds of failures:
those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
- Laurence J. Peter
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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