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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes by The Expendables

My life is difficult. I need more money.
- the movie The Expendables (2010)

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz PHOTO

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall PHOTO

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed) PHOTO

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec PHOTO

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel PHOTO

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry

Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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