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Funny Quotes by Appius Claudius

Each man is the architect of his own fate.
- Appius Claudius

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.