Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West 
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
I didn't want to marry anybody else in town.
I want my baby to look like you.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
Don't marry the person you think you can live with;
marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
- James C. Dobson
You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.
- Anonymous
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.