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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Worthless

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

Worthless people live only to eat and drink;
people of worth eat and drink only to live.
- Socrates

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare PHOTO

Presence requires an internal alertness
to the all and everything surrounding us.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

To raise new questions, new possibilities,
to regard old problems from a new angle,
requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.
- Albert Einstein

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

The spirit of democracy is not a mechanical thing
to be adjusted by abolition of forms.
It requires change of heart.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend,
but it requires a very fine nature
to sympathize with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde

Non-violence requires a double faith,
faith in God and also faith in man.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Facing a difficulty requires a willingness of heart.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

God doesn't require us to succeed;
He only requires that you try.
- Mother Teresa

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable...
Every step toward the goal of justice
requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle;
the tireless exertions and
passionate concern of dedicated individuals.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Change of any sort requires courage.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If the machine of government is of such a nature
that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another,
then, I say, break the law.
- Henry David Thoreau

We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

Smiling away your troubles requires
a clear conscience that harbors no insincerity.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

There is no short cut to achievement.
Life requires thorough preparation -
veneer isn't worth anything.
- George Washington Carver

To live a satisfying life requires two steps...
1. Plan your life goals.
2. Act on your plan - every day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Toleration is the greatest gift of the mind;
it requires the same effort of the brain
that it takes to balance oneself on a bicycle.
- Helen Keller

Football is like life - it requires perseverance,
self-denial, hard work, sacrifice,
dedication and respect for authority.
- Vince Lombardi

Once you have seen the truth
you must make the decision to let go
of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to.
This requires you to take action.
If you are attached to your pain, resentment,
and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions,
this will be a difficult step for you.
Taking action requires letting go of the very thing
you have been holding on to for so many years.
There is comfort in what we find familiar,
even if we are experiencing pain and suffering.
The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek.
It takes absolute faith in yourself
plus courage, will, and discipline to let go.
But once you let go, it will be as if
the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders.
In this process it is important to forgive
not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves.
For most people, giving ourselves
the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.
- Sheri Rosenthal

Living in the present moment requires discretion toward memory.
Without memory we'd have amnesia. What good would there be in that?
Offer discretion and discernment for our past
with a broad spectrum of forgiveness.
As for our present moment, delight.
And dedication to remain fully present to all the possibility.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A great gift requires two people,
the giver and the receiver.
Think of a football pass -
skillfully catching the pass, the gift,
is fully as important, and difficult, as throwing it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
- Albert Einstein

If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan

Keep close to Nature's heart...
and break clear away, once in awhile,
and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods.
Wash your spirit clean.
- John Muir

We climb the steps to nowhere - always.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

After climbing a great hill,
one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.
- Nelson Mandela

Life is not about how fast you run
or how high you climb
but how well you bounce.
- Vivian Komori

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.
- John Muir

It's wonderful to climb the liquid mountains of the sky.
Behind me and before me is God, and I have no fears.
- Helen Keller

In my case, Pilgrim's Progress consisted
in my having to climb down a thousand ladders
until I could reach out my hand
to the little clod of earth that I am.
- Carl Jung

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain

Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.