Funny Quotes about Stupid

Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
- Albert Einstein

People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of,
he always declares that it's his duty.
- George Bernard Shaw

A man must be both stupid and uncharitable
who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side.
- Joseph Addison

If you want to improve,
be content to be thought foolish and stupid.
- Epictetus

It is one of the blessings of old friends
that you can afford to be stupid with them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.
- Anonymous

Love interrupts, if you like,
the consequences of your actions,
which in my case is very good news indeed,
because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.
- Bono

If you ask a stupid question, you may feel stupid;
if you don't ask a stupid question, you remain stupid.
- Tony Rothman

An instructed and intelligent people
are always more decent and orderly
than an ignorant and stupid one.
- Adam Smith

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

The difference between stupidity and genius
is that genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous
than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can,
only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George

There are two kinds of stones,
as everyone knows,
one of which rolls.
- Amelia Earhart

Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons
to promote the good and happiness of one another.
- Eustace Budgell

I had three chairs in my house;
one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
- Henry David Thoreau

Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin

The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung

This communicating of a man's self to his friend
works two contrary effects;
for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.
- Francis Bacon

You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

Pride comes in two flavors -
be careful which you choose -
choose honor, not ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
- Friedrich Halm

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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