Funny Quotes about Scarcity

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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