Funny Quotes about Resolution

Every day is a good day to make a resolution
for beginning a new way of living,
but the New Year's Day holiday provides a good focus
for reviewing our lives and resolving
to live each day with conscious attention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Have your new year's resolutions been a new beginning for you
or have they just been different words on the same old beginning?
Maybe now's the time to establish
a new pattern of viewing your life fresh.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I made no resolutions for the New Year.
The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning
and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
- Anais Nin

Be resolute in your goals,
but flexible in your tactics.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is only through labor and painful effort,
by grim energy and resolute courage,
that we move on to better things.
- Theodore Roosevelt

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

As you awaken,
may your dreams greet you by name,
and may you answer, "Yes!"
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

As the evening beckons with the promise of tomorrow...
may your gratitude rise up and with strength answer, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Vengeance: "It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Don't die with your music still inside you.
Listen to your intuitive inner voice
and find what passion stirs your soul.
- Wayne Dyer

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II

Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Funny Quotes about Resolution

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