Funny Quotes about Relatively

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

A system of morality which is based
on relative emotional values
is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception
which has nothing sound in it and nothing true.
- Socrates

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically.
We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another, unevenly.
We grow partially. We are relative.
We are mature in one realm, childish in another.
- Anais Nin

Give to your relatives, and to the needy, and to travelers.
Do not squander your wealth in wantonness.
- Quran 17:26

Nobody has ever asked the nuclear family to live
all by itself in a box the way we do.
With no relatives, no support,
we've put it in an impossible situation.
- Margaret Mead

If the Great Way perishes, there will be morality and duty.
When cleverness and knowledge arise, great lies will flourish.
When relatives fall out with one another,
there will be filial duty and love.
When states are in confusion there will be faithful servants.
- Lao Tzu

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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