Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science,
for they often endure long; but false views,
if supported by some evidence, do little harm,
for every one takes a salutary pleasure in proving their falseness.
- Charles Darwin
A bank is a place that will lend you money
if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
There was a time when a man was so convinced
that the world was round
that he was determined to prove it.
- Ernest Holmes
There has to be evil so that
good can prove its purity above it.
- The Buddha
There comes a time when the mind
takes a higher plane of knowledge
but can never prove how it got there.
- Albert Einstein
The free world must not prove itself worthy of its own past.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right;
a single experiment can prove me wrong.
- Albert Einstein
Honor bespeaks worth. Confidence begets trust.
Service brings satisfaction.
Cooperation proves the quality of leadership.
- James Cash Penney
A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire
Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
If you do something once,
people will call it an accident.
If you do it twice, t
hey call it a coincidence.
But do it a third time, and
you've just proven a natural law.
- Grace Hopper
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.