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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Page

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

When I took office, only high energy physicists
had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web...
Now even my cat has its own page.
- William J. Clinton

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen

Television is chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If everyone demanded peace
instead of another television set,
then there'd be peace.
- John Lennon

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

Martyrs cannot be silenced.
- the television show Star Trek: The Next Generation

Is it bigger than breadbox?
- the early television show Twenty Questions

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people
than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour
looking at my face on their television screens.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Thanks to television, for the first time
the young are seeing history made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

Where there is no emotion,
there is no motive for violence.
- the character Spock in the Star Trek television series

Humans do have an amazing capacity
for believing what they choose,
and excluding that which is painful.
- Spock (character in Star Trek television series)

To deny the facts would be illogical.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.