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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Observances

Memorial Day remains one of America's
most cherished patriotic observances.
The spirit of this day has not changed -
it remains a day to honor those who
died defending our freedom and democracy.
- Doc Hastings

The Lincoln Memorial is related to the toga
and the civilization that wore it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions,
but laws and institutions must go hand in hand
with the progress of the human mind.
As that becomes more developed, more enlightened,
as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered
and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances,
institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times.
- Thomas Jefferson [inscribed in the Jefferson Memorial]

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell,
it is simply purgatory.
- Abraham Lincoln

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea;
but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
- Abraham Lincoln

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
- sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, or Samuel Johnson

Hold on with a bulldog grip,
and chew and choke as much as possible.
- Abraham Lincoln

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
- Abraham Lincoln

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln

I can make more generals, but horses cost money.
- Abraham Lincoln

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln

It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.
- Abraham Lincoln

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln

The philosophy of the school room in one generation
will be the philosophy of government in the next.
- Abraham Lincoln

I have always found that mercy bears
richer fruits than strict justice.
- Abraham Lincoln

I don't like that man.
I must get to know him better.
- Abraham Lincoln

I will prepare and some day my chance will come.
- Abraham Lincoln

We should be too big to take offense
and too noble to give it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Whatever you are, be a good one.
- Abraham Lincoln

Stand with anybody that stands right,
stand with him while he is right
and part with him when he goes wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln

To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.
- Abraham Lincoln

My dream is of a place and a time where America
will once again be seen as the last best hope of earth.
- Abraham Lincoln

Die when I may, I want it said by those who knew me best
that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower
where I thought a flower would grow.
- Abraham Lincoln

The best way to destroy an enemy
is to make him a friend.
- Abraham Lincoln

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed
is more important than any other one thing.
- Abraham Lincoln

And in the end, it's not
the years in your life that count,
it's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln

Some single mind must be master,
else there will be no agreement in anything.
- Abraham Lincoln

Everybody likes a compliment.
- Abraham Lincoln

Fourscore and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth on this continent,
a new nation, conceived in Liberty,
and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
- Abraham Lincoln

When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln

That some achieve great success,
is proof to all that others can achieve it as well.
- Abraham Lincoln

If once you forfeit the confidence of your fellow-citizens,
you can never regain their respect and esteem.
- Abraham Lincoln

Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln

If I had eight hours to chop down a tree,
I'd spend six hours sharpening my ax.
- Abraham Lincoln

No man is good enough to govern another man
without that other's consent.
- Abraham Lincoln

I do the very best I know how -
the very best I can;
and I mean to keep on doing so until the end.
- Abraham Lincoln

We the people are the rightful masters
of both Congress and the courts,
not to overthrow the Constitution
but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.
- Abraham Lincoln

The people will save their government,
if the government itself will allow them.
- Abraham Lincoln

The time comes upon every public man
when it is best for him to keep his lips closed.
- Abraham Lincoln

The people themselves, and not their servants,
can safely reverse their own deliberate decisions.
- Abraham Lincoln

The best way to get a bad law repealed
is to enforce it strictly.
- Abraham Lincoln

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me.
They have clung to me all my life.
- Abraham Lincoln

Those who deny freedom to others
deserve it not for themselves.
- Abraham Lincoln

I walk slowly, but I never walk backward.
- Abraham Lincoln

Don't worry when you are not recognized,
but strive to be worthy of recognition.
- Abraham Lincoln

I'm a slow walker, but I never walk backward.
- Abraham Lincoln

Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution.
That must be maintained, for it is
the only safeguard of our liberties.
- Abraham Lincoln

He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.
- Abraham Lincoln

You have to do your own growing
no matter how tall your grandfather was.
- Abraham Lincoln

What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
- Abraham Lincoln

I hope to stand firm enough to not go backward,
and yet not go forward fast enough
to wreck the country's cause.
- Abraham Lincoln


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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