Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Normally

Normally, we do not so much look at things as overlook them.
- Alan Watts

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Grief is a normal and natural response to loss.
It is originally an unlearned feeling process.
Keeping grief inside increases your pain.
- Anne Grant

The basic thing nobody asks is
why do people take drugs of any sort?
Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live?
I mean, is there something wrong with society
that's making us so pressurized,
that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?
- John Lennon

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.