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Funny Quotes about Men

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Marilyn Monroe

The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
- Leonardo da Vinci

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington

It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau

When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

I look only to the good qualities of men.
Not being faultless myself,
I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Every kind of peaceful cooperation among men
is primarily based on mutual trust
and only secondarily on institutions
such as courts of justice and police.
- Albert Einstein

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard

It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher

It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland

The revelation of thought takes men
out of servitude into freedom.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau

My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men.
- Robert E. Lee

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

In the long run, men hit only what they aim at.
Therefore, they had better aim at something high.
- Henry David Thoreau

Only free men can negotiate;
prisoners cannot enter into contracts.
Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.
- Nelson Mandela

How could man rejoice in victory
and delight in the slaughter of men?
- Lao Tzu

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We know but a few men, a great many coats and breeches.
- Henry David Thoreau

Trust men and they will be true to you;
treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow

These men ask for just the same thing,
fairness, and fairness only.
This, so far as in my power,
they, and all others, shall have.
- Abraham Lincoln

Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings,
so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.
- Socrates

Men kick friendship around like a football,
but it doesn't seem to crack.
Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Wise men put their trust in ideas
and not in circumstances
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The expert in battle seeks his victory
from strategic advantage
and does not demand it from his men.
- Sun Tzu

Man becomes great exactly in the degree
in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Habits age men before their time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Many men go fishing all of their lives
without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
- Henry David Thoreau

Shallow men believe in luck.
Strong men believe in cause and effect.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Achievement seems to be connected with action.
Successful men and women keep moving.
They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
- Conrad Hilton

Men in general judge more from
appearances than from reality. All
men have eyes, but few have
the gift of penetration.
- Niccolo Machiavelli

Instead of noblemen,
let us have noble villages of men.
- Henry David Thoreau

There are times, sir, when men of good conscience
cannot blindly follow orders.
- Captain Picard, STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Men are disturbed not by things,
but by the view which they take of them.
- Epictetus

An association of men who will not quarrel with one another
is a thing which has never yet existed,
from the greatest confederacy of nations
down to a town meeting or a vestry.
- Thomas Jefferson

Timid men prefer the calm of despotism
to the tempestuous sea of liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

The history of free men is never really written by chance
but by choice; their choice!
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Behind an able man there are always other able men.
- Chinese proverb

There is a good ear, in some men,
that draws supplies to virtue
out of very indifferent nutriment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Though force can protect in emergency,
only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation
can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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