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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Mechanical

The spirit of democracy is not a mechanical thing
to be adjusted by abolition of forms.
It requires change of heart.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake,
not by mechanical aid, but by
an infinite expectation of the dawn.
- Henry David Thoreau

A man too busy to take care of his health is like
a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
- Spanish Proverb

A designer is an emerging synthesis of artist, inventor,
mechanic, objective economist and evolutionary strategist.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.