Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Inhospitable

Serious illness doesn't bother me for long
because I am too inhospitable a host.
- Albert Schweitzer

A joke is a very serious thing.
- Winston Churchill

This is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is serious? Why?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The one serious conviction that a man should have
is that nothing should be taken too seriously.
- Nicholas Murray Butler

Politics is a profession; a serious, complicated and,
in its true sense, a noble one.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

People make a big fuss over you when you're President.
But I'm very serious about doing everything I can
to make sure that it doesn't go to my head.
- Jimmy Carter

The moment you start seeing life
as non-serious, a playfulness,
all the burden on your heart disappears.
All the fear of death, of life,
of love - everything disappears.
- Osho

In most communities it is illegal
to cry "fire" in a crowded assembly.
Should it not be considered serious international misconduct
to manufacture a general war scare
in an effort to achieve local political aims?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The search after the great men is the dream of youth,
and the most serious occupation of manhood.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys,
which distract our attention from serious things.
They are but improved means to an unimproved end.
- Henry David Thoreau

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb

True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo

When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell

The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anger? perhaps there is a better way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton

Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Simple living is the way to happy living.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton

Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb

No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry

When you dance, your purpose is not to get
to a certain place on the floor.
It's to enjoy each step along the way.
- Wayne Dyer

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie

We will either find a way or make one.
- Hannibal

The fastest way to destroy love
is to make a goal out of it,
because people who are trying to be loved
come from a place that they're not loved.
- Werner Erhard

Guilt is only another way of avoiding informed action.
- Audre Lorde

I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel

Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!
- Dr. Seuss

Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body
treats a strange protein; it rejects it.
- Peter Medawar

We are addicted to being the way we are
- don Miguel Ruiz

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality.
Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
- Lao Tzu

May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.
- Irish Blessing

There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.