The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed
(and hence clamorous to be led to safety)
by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins,
all of them imaginary.
- H. L. Mencken
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson 
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds,
adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.
With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. -
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You will do foolish things,
but do them with enthusiasm.
- Colette
Until you'll willing to look foolish,
you'll never have the possibility of being great.
- Cher
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance;
the wise grows it under his feet.
- J. Robert Oppenheimer
If you want to improve,
be content to be thought foolish and stupid.
- Epictetus
If a million people say a foolish thing,
it is still a foolish thing.
- Anatole France
A widespread belief is more often likely
to be foolish than sensible.
- Bertrand Russell
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
- Albert Einstein
It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton
It is the nature of the wise to resist pleasures,
but the foolish to be a slave to them.
- Epictetus
A wise man can learn more from a foolish question
than a fool can learn from a wise answer.
- Bruce Lee
When the water starts boiling
it is foolish to turn off the heat.
- Nelson Mandela
To be idle is a short road to death
and to be diligent is a way of life;
foolish people are idle,
wise people are diligent.
- The Buddha
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.