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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Gas

Politics are very much like war.
We may even have to use poison gas at times.
- Winston Churchill

From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay

A man is relieved and gay when he has
put his heart into his work and done his best;
but what he has said or done otherwise
shall give him no peace.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We must make it clear that a platform
of "I hate gay men and women'
is not a way to become president of the United States.
- Jimmy Carter

Life ain't always beautiful,
but it's a beautiful ride.
- Gary Allen

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene

The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry

Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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