Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Exclusive

No culture can live if it attempts to be exclusive.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Gentleness, self-sacrifice and generosity
are the exclusive possession of no one race or religion.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I do not believe in immortality of the individual,
and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern
with no superhuman authority behind it.
- Albert Einstein

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.