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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Emergencies

Respond to emergencies in a casual manner.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Life is NOT a constant emergency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Though force can protect in emergency,
only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation
can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Having seen the devastation of war first hand,
Eisenhower came both to despise war
and to see that "war settles nothing."
On the other hand, Ike was certainly no peacenik.
He understood that, in an emergency,
action must be met with reaction.
When truly necessary, violence met with violence -
but never hate responded to with hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My ideas have undergone a process
of emergence by emergency.
When they are needed badly enough,
they are accepted.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard

The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.