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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Dragons

It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our deepest fears are like dragons
guarding our deepest treasure.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Consciously adopt the mindset of a young child,
to whom all of life is a grand adventure.
Life is your playground.
Fashion grand castles and sweeping boulevards,
defeat fire-breathing dragons,
leap tall buildings in a single bound.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I believe in everything until it's disproved.
So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons.
It all exists, even if it's in your mind.
Who's to say that dreams and nightmares
aren't as real as the here and now?
- John Lennon

Cloud Animals: Be a Child Again.
I remember warm summer afternoons,
laying in the shade of a maple tree in the back yard
of my Connecticut home watching the clouds for hours.
As those clouds formed dragons and foxes, clowns and angels,
I traveled across space and time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.