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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Dessert

Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha

A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow

Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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