The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those
to whom they entrust the minds of their children
a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom
they entrust the care of their plumbing.
- John F. Kennedy
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
The believer's ray of light is the cynic's sunburn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
I am easily satisfied with the very best.
- Winston Churchill
I believe in equality for everyone,
except reporters and photographers.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.