The believer's ray of light is the cynic's sunburn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those
to whom they entrust the minds of their children
a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom
they entrust the care of their plumbing.
- John F. Kennedy
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Serious illness doesn't bother me for long
because I am too inhospitable a host.
- Albert Schweitzer
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
The future ain't what it used to be.
- Yogi Berra
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.