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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Currents

Nobody, as long as he moves about
among the chaotic currents of life,
is without trouble.
- Carl Jung

Urgency is a grim taskmaster.
Escape time, and life becomes irie.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
("Irie" is a Jamaican word for being at total peace
with your current state of being.)

Honor your past, and all the consequences of that past.
Receive insight into relieving the pain
caused by past experiences and current attitudes toward life.
Observe life as it currently appears,
and then train yourself to observe life
from other perspectives that support a higher quality of living.
Re-consider your priorities.
Chart your Course.
Set Sail with Courage.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In matters of style, swim with the current;
in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
- Thomas Jefferson

It's not in the DOing, it's in the BEing.
Whatever you do or don't do in your lifetime,
your greatest contribution
to current and future generations
will be the happiness and joy
you generated and radiated to those around you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks
for everything that happens to you,
knowing that every step forward is a step toward
achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.
- Brian Tracy

I confessed recently to an old friend,
"I realized I was looking at you,
in your visit, through old glasses.
Speaking old words.
Telling old stories.
I realize that in my life I've made so many
physical changes and I need to give my spirit time to catch up."
Time for my spirit to look at my friend
through the new glasses of current life experiences.
Old friends are precious.
They become even more treasured when they are wrapped
in the currentness of life experiences
and not relegated to the past in which they once lived.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

No good comes from hurrying.
- Yiddish Proverb

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu

We disrespect ourselves and our free-will
whenever we say that we NEED to do something.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Urgent? Why?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To say "too busy" is merely
to say "confused priorities."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You will never find time for anything.
If you want time you must make it.
- Charles Buxton

When you feel the need to hurry,
remember that everything in life is a CHOICE.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Necessity never made a good bargain.
- Benjamin Franklin

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.
Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever,
even if your whole world seems upset.
- Saint Francis de Sales

Okay, so it's a matter of life and death - now are you happy?
Urgency is never a path to joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste
that they hurry past it.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Time is carnivorous.
Urgency rips the peaceful flesh from our bones.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A sloth lives a pretty good life, s-l-o-w-l-y.
Maybe we have something to learn from him.
Some days, being sloth-like may be just what you need
to avoid being consumed by urgency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Who forces time is pushed back by time;
who yields to time finds time on his side.
- The Talmud

Affirmation:
"I choose never to be a prisoner of urgency."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

NECESSITY and URGENCY are twin poisons of our rattlesnake minds.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I choose never to be a prisoner of urgency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are composed of self-contradictions.
Each of us is loving in some moments - hateful in others.
Patient and calm sometimes - harried by urgency at others.
Understanding - and self-absorbed.
Reassuring - and sarcastic.
Generous - and greedy.
Trusting - and jealous.
Comforting - and snappish.
Original - and stuck in a rut.
Thankful - and needy.
Forgiving - and vengeful.
Nurturing ourself - and stuffing ourself with fast food.
Honoring our bodies - and overstressing.
Being Joyful - and Suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra

It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.