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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Combat

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

We are not afraid to follow truth
wherever it may lead,
nor to tolerate any error
so long as reason is left free to combat it.
- Thomas Jefferson

There should be an honest attempt at the reconciliation
of differences before resorting to combat.
- Jimmy Carter

Errors of opinion may be tolerated
where reason is left free to combat it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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