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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Card

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth

What this country needs is a credit card for
charging things to experience.
- Tom Wilson

Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben

Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You only live once, and once is enough
if you play your cards right.
- the movie Interiors (1978)

Life is like a game of cards.
The hand you are dealt is determinism;
the way you play it is free will.
- Jawaharlal Nehru

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard

Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.