Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Athlete

A worker in the rural reconstruction must have:
The body of an athlete
The attitude of a teacher
The mind of a scientist
The heart of a missionary
The spirit of a crusader.
- Jimmy Yen

From the way most people live,
one would never guess that humans are beings of free will.
Repetition can be a choice, but often it isn't.
The athlete or pianist who practices the same routine
day after day, year after year, has their eye on a goal.
The unending repetition is a conscious choice
in the pursuit of a life dream.
But what about the sameness of most lives?
Observe the morning commute, the after-work drink,
the Sunday football game or religious service -
how many of those people are consciously following their dream,
training their mind, body, and spirit through that daily repetition?
And how many are mindlessly slogging through each day
out of habit and boredom?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A friend or co-worker shares a political,
religious, economic, or social opinion
that is opposite to yours -
does that drive a wedge between your hearts?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The world is moved along, not only
by the mighty shoves of its heroes,
but also by the aggregate of tiny pushes
of each honest worker.
- Helen Keller

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb

I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde

Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

The walls we build around us to
keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus

The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The easiest kind of friendship for me
is with ten thousand people.
The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez

I never found a companion that was
so companionable as solitude.
- Henry David Thoreau

The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung

The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that
they can grow separately without growing apart.
- Elisabeth Foley

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which
it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters.
- Thomas Jefferson

The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought,
and attended to my answer.
- Henry David Thoreau

In my friend, I find a second self.
- Isabel Norton

Your friend is the man who knows all about you,
and still likes you.
- Elbert Hubbard

It is a great confidence in a friend
to tell him your faults;
greater to tell him his.
- Benjamin Franklin

Everyone has a "best friend" during each stage of life,
but only a precious few have the same one.
- Anonymous

A friend knows the song in my heart
and sings it to me when my memory fails.
- Donna Roberts

A true friend is a rock upon whom you can depend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand,
nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one
when he discovers that someone else believes in him
and is willing to trust him with his friendship.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Health is the greatest possession.
Contentment is the greatest treasure.
Confidence is the greatest friend.
Non-being is the greatest joy.
- Lao Tzu

A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering

An injured friend is the bitterest of foes.
- Thomas Jefferson

The only reward of virtue is virtue;
the only way to have a friend is to be one.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

In everyone's life, at some time,
our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame
by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people
who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer

A best friend is like a four leaf clover,
hard to find and lucky to have.
- Anonymous

When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I own that I am not a friend to a very energetic government.
It is always oppressive.
- Thomas Jefferson

Love is the only force capable of
transforming an enemy into friend.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar,
but I cherish the friend who for me
does not consult his calendar.
- Robert Brault

The best mirror is an old friend.
- Proverb

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
- Bill Watterson

If I mayn't tell you what I feel,
what is the use of a friend?
- William Makepeace Thackeray

Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman

A friend is someone who understands my past,
believes in my future,
and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Walking with a friend in the dark is better
than walking alone in the light.
- Helen Keller

A friend in need is a friend indeed.
- Latin Proverb

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be
clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
- Khalil Gibran

Lord, grant comfort, joy and health
to those I call friend,
to those I call enemy,
and to those I have cursed by my indifference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I choose you as my friend, and rejoice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.