Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Men kick friendship around like a football,
by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Men kick friendship around like a football,
but it doesn't seem to crack.
Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Marilyn Monroe

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
- Leonardo da Vinci

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men.
- Robert E. Lee

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard

I look only to the good qualities of men.
Not being faultless myself,
I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

Every kind of peaceful cooperation among men
is primarily based on mutual trust
and only secondarily on institutions
such as courts of justice and police.
- Albert Einstein

The revelation of thought takes men
out of servitude into freedom.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher

It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson

Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau

Timid men prefer the calm of despotism
to the tempestuous sea of liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

There are times, sir, when men of good conscience
cannot blindly follow orders.
- Captain Picard, STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Every actual State is corrupt.
Good men must not obey laws too well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trust men and they will be true to you;
treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is a good ear, in some men,
that draws supplies to virtue
out of very indifferent nutriment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men are what their mothers made them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Great men or men of great gifts
you shall easily find,
but symmetrical men never.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Habits age men before their time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Measures must always, in a progressive society,
be held superior to men, who are after all,
imperfect instruments, working for their fulfillment.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Behind an able man there are always other able men.
- Chinese proverb

The politician in my country seeks votes,
affection and respect, in that order.
With few notable exceptions,
they are simply men who want to be loved.
- Edward R. Murrow

A nation or civilization that
continues to produce soft-minded men
purchases its own spiritual death
on the installment plan.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Men are disturbed not by things,
but by the view which they take of them.
- Epictetus

We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow

Men are born to succeed, not to fail.
- Henry David Thoreau

Though force can protect in emergency,
only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation
can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste
that they hurry past it.
- Soren Kierkegaard

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton

Real friendships among men are so rare
that when they occur they are famous.
- Clarence Day

The history of free men is never really written by chance
but by choice; their choice!
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.
- Abraham Lincoln

Men occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- Winston Churchill

Many men go fishing all of their lives
without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
- Henry David Thoreau

Men are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

I do not believe in a fate that
falls on men however they act;
but I do believe in a fate
that falls on them unless they act.
- The Buddha

Wise men put their trust in ideas
and not in circumstances
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.