Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Angels can fly because they can take themselves lightly.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton 
The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
There is a road from the eye to heart
that does not go through the intellect.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
To have a right to do a thing
is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down.
Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
How you think when you lose
determines how long it will be until you win.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- Anonymous
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
Marriage is neither heaven nor hell,
it is simply purgatory.
- Abraham Lincoln
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Groucho Marx
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect.
If it's not based on respect,
nothing that appears to be good will last very long.
- Amy Grant
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
When you make the sacrifice in marriage,
you're sacrificing not to each other
but to unity in a relationship.
- Joseph Campbell
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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