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My life is difficult. I need more money. ...
by The Expendables

My life is difficult. I need more money.
- the movie The Expendables (2010)

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall PHOTO

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.