I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall 
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen
It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
- the Woody Allen movie Manhattan (1979)
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen
I believe in equality for everyone,
except reporters and photographers.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.
- Winston Churchill
The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Anyone who can worship a trinity
and insist that his religion is a monotheism
can believe anything.
- Robert A Heinlein
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts
Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't
are both right.
- Henry Ford
People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott
Trust your own inner guidance.
Have faith that your steps are
carrying you toward your dreams.
Keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha
Have a Vision, a Dream.
Believe in that Vision.
Live that Vision with every fiber of your being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world.
For, indeed, that's all who ever have.
- Margaret Mead
Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Everything we believe is a matter of evolution and history.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein
We believe whatever we want to believe.
- Demosthenes
I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life
as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.
- Joseph Campbell
Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true.
- Francis Bacon
The moment we want to believe something,
we suddenly see all the arguments for it,
and become blind to the arguments against it.
- George Bernard Shaw
A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe
I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Because we believe that our ethnic group,
our society, our political party, our God,
is better than your God, we kill each other.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Believe you can - and then make it happen.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Believe that none of the effort you put
into coming closer to God is ever wasted -
even if in the end you don't achieve
what you are striving for.
- Rebbe Nachman of Breslov
I can not believe that war
is the best solution.
No one won the last war,
and no one will win the next war.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
It is always better to have no ideas than false ones;
to believe nothing, than to believe what is wrong.
- Thomas Jefferson
I do not believe that God has
imposed suffering upon anyone
to punish them or to teach them a lesson.
- Ernest Holmes
I'm not religious at all,
but I believe in God very strongly.
- Bono
Whatever the mind can conceive and believe,
it can achieve.
- Napoleon Hill
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.