Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Apology is only egotism wrong side out. ...
by Oliver Wendell Holmes

Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them!
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

When in doubt, do it.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea,
never regains its original dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Greatness is not in where we stand,
but in what direction we are moving.
We must sail sometimes with the wind
and sometimes against it -
but sail we must,
and not drift, nor lie at anchor.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

If you don't know what you want, you will probably never get it.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Fame is the scentless sunflower, with gaudy crown of gold;
But friendship is the breathing rose, with sweets in every fold.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

A mind that is stretched by a new experience
an never go back to its old dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

It is the province of knowledge to speak,
and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The best of a book is not the thought which it contains,
but the thought which it suggests;
just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones
but in the echoes of our hearts.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

To be seventy years young is sometimes
far more cheerful and hopeful
than to be forty years old.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

A mind, once stretched by a new idea,
never regains its original dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill

Friends are God's apology for relations.
- Hugh Kingsmille

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

Magic is natural to Wizards,
and only a little harder for the rest of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
- Marie Curie

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Life is an adventure.
I can only wonder what treasure
awaits at the top of the path.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy

Universal compassion is the only guarantee of morality.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.