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Funny Quotes by Whoopi Goldberg

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

Grief is a normal and natural response to loss.
It is originally an unlearned feeling process.
Keeping grief inside increases your pain.
- Anne Grant

The basic thing nobody asks is
why do people take drugs of any sort?
Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live?
I mean, is there something wrong with society
that's making us so pressurized,
that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?
- John Lennon

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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