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Funny Quotes by Timothy Leary

Think for yourself and question authority.
- Timothy Leary

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer PHOTO

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha PHOTO

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis

Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein

Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie

The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller

People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein

Our brain is the factory of the emotions
- don Miguel Ruiz

The value of an idea has nothing whatsoever
to do with the sincerity of the man who expresses it.
- Oscar Wilde

You must do the thing that you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I seldom think about my limitations,
and they never make me sad.
Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times;
but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers.
- Helen Keller

Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.
- Bertrand Russell

We shall require a substantially
new manner of thinking
if mankind is to survive.
- Albert Einstein

The grand aim of all science is to cover
the greatest number of empirical facts
by logical deduction from
the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms.
- Albert Einstein

The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.
- Winston Churchill

The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach

I hear many people talk about their longing for a balanced life.
What I think they are really expressing
is a desire for a life with less pressure.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We must dare to think "unthinkable" thoughts.
- J. W. Fulbright

People hardly ever make use of the freedom which they have,
for example, freedom of thought;
instead they demand freedom of speech as a compensation.
- Soren Kierkegaard

I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation
of confusion, misery and death...
I think... peace and tranquillity will return again.
- Anne Frank

Inspire people to do things for themselves.
Inspire people to think for themselves.
- Bono

The earth is like a spaceship
that didn't come with an operating manual.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin

The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.
- Terry Goodkind

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

The world is more malleable than you think
and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape.
- Bono

The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.