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Funny Quotes by Randy Travis

It's not what you take when
you leave this world behind you.
It's what you leave behind you when you go.
- Randy Travis

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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