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Funny Quotes by Maya Angelou

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

The ache for home lives in all of us,
the safe place where we can
go as we are and not be questioned.
- Maya Angelou PHOTO

Self-pity in its early stages
is as snug as a feather mattress.
Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
- Maya Angelou

Life is a gift, and I try to respond with grace and courtesy.
- Maya Angelou

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou

I have found that among its other benefits,
giving liberates the soul of the giver.
- Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

If you have only one smile in you,
give it to the people you love.
Don't be surly at home,
then go out in the street
and start grinning good morning
at total strangers.
- Maya Angelou

If you don't like something, change it,
If you can't change it, change your attitude
- Maya Angelou

Everything has rhythm. everything dances.
- Maya Angelou

There's a world of difference between truth and facts.
Facts can obscure truth.
- Maya Angelou

One must know not just how to accept a gift,
but with what grace to share it.
- Maya Angelou

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer PHOTO

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin

The most important service rendered
by the press and the magazines
is that of educating people
to approach printed matter with distrust.
- Samuel Butler

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- Anonymous

Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell

History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people
by the people for the people.
- Oscar Wilde

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

Unless they share our opinions,
we seldom find people sensible.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.