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Funny Quotes by Maxwell Maltz

We are injured and hurt emotionally,
not so much by other people
or what they say and don't say,
but by our own attitude and our own response.
- Maxwell Maltz

An injured friend is the bitterest of foes.
- Thomas Jefferson

Forgive those who have injured you -
not because they deserve your forgiveness,
but because you can never be happy
until you release your anger and grant forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One who is injured ought not to return the injury,
for on no account can it be right to do an injustice;
and it is not right to return an injury,
or to do evil to any man,
however much we have suffered from him.
- Socrates

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous

I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson PHOTO

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

The walls we build around us to
keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn

The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous PHOTO

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard PHOTO

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer PHOTO

The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which
it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters.
- Thomas Jefferson

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that
they can grow separately without growing apart.
- Elisabeth Foley

The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The easiest kind of friendship for me
is with ten thousand people.
The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez

I never found a companion that was
so companionable as solitude.
- Henry David Thoreau

The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous

The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung

The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought,
and attended to my answer.
- Henry David Thoreau

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A real friend is one who walks in
when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell

A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln

Walking with a friend in the dark is better
than walking alone in the light.
- Helen Keller

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand,
nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one
when he discovers that someone else believes in him
and is willing to trust him with his friendship.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.
- Henry David Thoreau

In my friend, I find a second self.
- Isabel Norton

A friend to all is a friend to none.
- Aristotle

A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering

What is a friend? I will tell you ...
it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
- Frank Crane

If I mayn't tell you what I feel,
what is the use of a friend?
- William Makepeace Thackeray

Love is the only force capable of
transforming an enemy into friend.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
- Henry Ford

We can never replace a friend.
When a man is fortunate enough to have several,
he finds they are all different.
No one has a double in friendship.
- Johann Schiller

A true friend is the one who
walks in when others walk out.
- Walter Winchell

A friend is one who walks in when others walk out
- Walter Winchell

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be
clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
- Khalil Gibran

This communicating of a man's self to his friend
works two contrary effects;
for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.
- Francis Bacon

A holiday, the day I first named you, "friend."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A friend is someone who won't stop
until he finds you and brings you home.
- Fraser Sr. in the movie Due South

A true friend is one who believes in you
when you have ceased to believe in yourself.
- Anonymous

Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.
- Henry David Thoreau

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.
- Benjamin Franklin

A true friend is a rock upon whom you can depend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everyone has a "best friend" during each stage of life,
but only a precious few have the same one.
- Anonymous

If you wish to succeed in life,
make perseverance your bosom friend,
experience your wise counselor,
caution your elder brother,
and hope your guardian genius.
- Joseph Addison

Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.
- Albert Camus

A friend or co-worker shares a political,
religious, economic, or social opinion
that is opposite to yours -
does that drive a wedge between your hearts?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The best friend is the man who in wishing me well
wishes it for my sake.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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