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Funny Quotes by Jane Austen

Business, you know, may bring money,
but friendship hardly ever does.
- Jane Austen

Friendship is certainly the finest balm
for the pangs of disappointed love.
- Jane Austen

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous

I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb

This report, by its very length, defends itself
against the risk of being read.
- Winston Churchill

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job.
- Malcolm S. Forbes (wealthy publisher)

Winners Dream Big Dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie PHOTO

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore PHOTO

Individually, we are one drop.
Together, we are an ocean.
- Ryunosuke Satoro PHOTO

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela PHOTO

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

The man of genius inspires us with
a boundless confidence in our own powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Give somebody a gold star - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's work only if I say it's work,
but it's play if I say it's fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can discover what your enemy fears most
by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
- Michael Moncur

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. PHOTO

In business or in life, don't follow the wagon tracks too closely.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker

Only he is successful in his business who makes that pursuit
which affords him the highest pleasure sustain him.
- Henry David Thoreau

You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
- Albert Camus

Trust men and they will be true to you;
treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best morale exist when you never hear the word mentioned.
When you hear a lot of talk about it, it's usually lousy.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Never tell people how to do things.
Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
- George S. Patton

War is a game that is played with a smile.
If you can't smile, grin.
If you can't grin, keep out of the way till you can.
- Winston Churchill

Unless both sides win,
no agreement can be permanent.
- Jimmy Carter

It is better to displease the people
by doing what you know is right.
- William J. H. Boetcker

Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins

The biggest mistake we could ever make in our lives
is to think we work for anybody but ourselves.
- Brian Tracy

I cannot trust a man to control others
who cannot control himself.
- Robert E. Lee

Battles are won by slaughter and maneuver.
The greater the general, the more he contributes in maneuver,
the less he demands in slaughter.
- Winston Churchill

You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

A small body of determined spirits
fired by an unquenchable faith
in their mission
can alter the course of history.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Lead follow or get out of the way.
- Thomas Paine

Is the system going to flatten you out
and deny you your humanity,
or are you going to be able to make use of the system
to the attainment of human purposes?
- Joseph Campbell

Be resolute in your goals,
but flexible in your tactics.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln

Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly.
It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.
- Henry Ford

Leaders are those who empower others.
- Bill Gates

If you love what you are doing, you ARE a success.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you talk to a man in a language he understands,
that goes to his head.
If you talk to him in his language,
that goes to his heart.
- Nelson Mandela

Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius

Profit is a by-product of work;
happiness is its chief product.
- Henry Ford

The expert in battle seeks his victory
from strategic advantage
and does not demand it from his men.
- Sun Tzu

About leadership: No person can be a great leader
unless he takes genuine joy
in the successes of those under him.
- W. A. Nance

The most successful people in life
are generally those who have the best information.
- Benjamin Disraeli

What work I have done I have done because it has been play.
If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
- Mark Twain

When you can do the common things of life in an uncommon way,
you will command the attention of the world.
- George Washington Carver

Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory.
Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.
- Sun Tzu

To lead people walk behind them.
- Lao Tzu

The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let us never negotiate out of fear.
But let us never fear to negotiate.
- John F. Kennedy

Keep your attention focused entirely
on what is truly your own concern,
and be clear that what belongs to others
is their business and none of yours.
- Epictetus

Don't talk about what you have done
or what you are going to do.
- Thomas Jefferson

The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.
- Mark Twain

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
- Anonymous

Successful people ask better questions,
and as a result, they get better answers.
- Tony Robbins

Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror,
victory however long and hard the road may be;
for without victory, there is no survival.
- Winston Churchill

An enemy generally says and believes what he wishes.
- Thomas Jefferson

The supreme art of war is
to subdue the enemy without fighting.
- Sun Tzu


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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