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Funny Quotes by George Orwell

Who controls the past controls the future.
Who controls the present controls the past.
- George Orwell

The essence of being human is that one
does not seek perfection.
- George Orwell

One defeats a fanatic precisely by not being a fanatic oneself,
but on the contrary by using one's intelligence.
- George Orwell

The one who loves the least, controls the relationship.
- Robert Anthony

He who controls others may be powerful,
but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.
- Lao Tzu

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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