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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes by E. Joseph Cossman

The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

I am easily satisfied with the very best.
- Winston Churchill

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
- Winston Churchill

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln

The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
- Jacqueline Schiff

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung PHOTO

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield

Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter PHOTO

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

That's what Tiggers do best!
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie

If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker

Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous

I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau

There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould

You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein

Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook

Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Walking is the best possible exercise.
Habituate yourself to walk very fast.
- Thomas Jefferson

Far and away the best prize that life has to offer
is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
- Theodore Roosevelt

The best way to keep your friends
is not to give them away.
- Wilson Mizner

Read the best books first,
or you may not have a chance to read them at all.
- Henry David Thoreau

We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind
in the history of the world or to make it the last.
- John F. Kennedy

Be not like the sugarcane -
do not hold your sweetness inside.
Be like the fruit tree -
be generous with your best.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie (inspired by Tagore)

Today, I will do my best...
and then relax in the knowing
that I have done all I could.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The best way to get a bad law repealed
is to enforce it strictly.
- Abraham Lincoln

Write it on your heart that every day
is the best day in the year.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Best friends are the ones who can be the farthest away
but there the fastest when you call.
- Anonymous

The Four Agreements
1.Be impeccable with your word.
2.Don't take anything personally.
3.Don't make assumptions.
4.Always do your best.
- don Miguel Ruiz

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus

The making of friends, who are real friends,
is the best token we have of a man's success in life.
- Edward Everett Hale

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree
is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
- Burton Hills

A true friend sees the good in everything,
and brings out the best in the worst of things.
- Sasha Azevedo

Tradition is like a second-hand store.
It is best to sort carefully
between the treasures and the trash.
See everything with new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do the best you can. Be proud of your accomplishments -
without comparing yourself to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe

The best road to progress is freedom's road.
- John F. Kennedy

Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.