One measure of friendship consists
not in the number of things friends can discuss,
but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
- Clifton Fadiman
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.