Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes by Archimedes

Give me a lever long enough
and a fulcrum on which to place it,
and I shall move the world.
- Archimedes

Eureka.
- Archimedes - upon discovering the scientific principle
of displacement while on his bathtub.

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Give me the luxuries of life
and I will willingly do without the necessities.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

All gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings,
and so, give them the power to pull ours.
- Aldous Huxley

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Anonymous

He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

It is more agreeable to have the power to give than to receive.
- Winston Churchill

Every spirit makes its house,
and we can give a shrewd guess
from the house to the inhabitant.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
- written on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor PHOTO

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

I give thanks for both my bloom and my thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln PHOTO

Give thanks for the rain in your life
which waters the flowers of your soul.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie

One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving -
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING
that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment.
I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings,
the moments of peace and the flashes of anger,
the compassion and the indifference,
the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear.
I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

It is neither wealth nor splendor;
but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson

We all have our thorns. We, and Life, have our moments.
Life occurs before our morning coffee.
Life occurs in our bathrobe with our hair uncombed.
Bless and give thanks for All of Life - the bloom and the thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
- John D. Rockefeller

Give somebody a gold star - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous

I won't give up 'til goats sing and walruses fly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you have zest and enthusiasm
you attract zest and enthusiasm.
Life does give back in kind.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Our opportunity is to Soar our Spirit.
To see Light and Joy in everything.
To spread our wings and fly boldly.
To give thanks for rainbows and butterflies -
our symbols of renewal and rebirth.
To offer daily Thanksgiving - for ourselves, our family,
our friends, our community, for the whole world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If self-validation were our
most significant societal measure -
we would give trophies to ourselves.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

To give up yourself without regret is the greatest charity.
- Bodhidharma

I Am One With Spirit and All Creation -
I give thanks for the unity of all creation
and for everything that has brought me to this moment.
I release my entire being to the gentle nurture of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Give a boy address and accomplishments
and you give him the mastery
of palaces and fortunes where he goes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't give energy to perceived dislikes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan

You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It was the nation and the race dwelling all round the globe
that had the lion's heart.
I had the luck to be called upon to give the roar.
- Winston Churchill

You can give without loving,
but you can never love without giving.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
- Khalil Gibran

Quotations help us remember the simple yet profound truths
that give life perspective and meaning.
- Criswell Freeman

A coach is someone who can give correction
without causing resentment.
- John Wooden

Books! I dunno if I ever told you this,
but books are the greatest gift one person can give another.
- Bono

Love wasn't put in your heart to stay.
Love isn't love until you give it away.
- Michael W. Smith

Most people give up just when
they're about to achieve success.
They quit on the one yard line.
They give up at the last minute of the game,
one foot from a winning touch down.
- Ross Perot

We are formed and molded by our thoughts.
Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts
give joy when they speak or act.
Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.
- The Buddha

What I know for sure is that
what you give comes back to you.
- Oprah Winfrey

Never give in - never, never, never, never.
- Winston Churchill

Books are the greatest gift one person can give another.
- Bono

Don't give up. There are too many nay-sayers out there
who will try to discourage you.
Don't listen to them.
The only one who can make you give up is yourself.
- Sidney Sheldon

A man is relieved and gay when he has
put his heart into his work and done his best;
but what he has said or done otherwise
shall give him no peace.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sacrifice everything, and give up nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Let me give you a definition of ethics:
It is good to maintain and further life
it is bad to damage and destroy life.
- Albert Schweitzer

What is to give light must endure the burning.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children
One is roots, the other is wings.
- Hodding Carter

Know that time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
You give your own meaning to time, as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

For food that stays our hunger,
For rest that brings us ease,
For homes where memories linger,
We give our thanks for these.
- Anonymous

We are rich only through what we give,
and poor only through what we refuse.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You need to make a commitment,
and once you make it,
then life will give you some answers.
- Les Brown

Don't ever give up.
- Anonymous

To give victory to the right, not bloody bullets,
but peaceful ballots only, are necessary.
- Abraham Lincoln


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.