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Funny Quotes by Anna Cummins

Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.
- Anna Cummins

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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