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Funny Quotes by Alfred Adler

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
- Alfred Adler

Trust only movement.
Life happens at the level of events, not of words.
Trust movement.
- Alfred Adler

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Groucho Marx

Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller

All things share the same breath -
the beast, the tree, the man...
the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports.
- Chief Seattle (attributed) PHOTO

I think "Hail to the Chief" has a nice ring to it.
- John F. Kennedy

Concern for man and his fate must always form
the chief interest of all technical endeavors.
Never forget this in the midst of your diagrams and equations.
- Albert Einstein

Profit is a by-product of work;
happiness is its chief product.
- Henry Ford

Be the chief but never the lord.
- Lao Tzu

We act as though comfort and luxury
were the chief requirements of life,
when all that we need to make us really happy
is something to be enthusiastic about.
- Charles Kingsley

A chief event of life is the day in which
we have encountered a mind that startled us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The heart is the chief feature of a functioning mind.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Man does not weave this web of life.
He is merely a strand of it.
Whatever he does to the web,
he does to himself.
- Chief Seattle (attributed)

There is no death, only a change of worlds.
- Chief Seattle

Humankind has not woven the web of life.
We are but one thread within it.
Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves.
All things are bound together.
All things connect.
- Chief Seattle

The truth of things is the chief nutriment
of superior intellects.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Feel Unity with Spirit and All Creation
All things share the same breath the
beast, the tree, the man... the air
shares its spirit with all the life it supports.
- Chief Seattle [actually written by screenwriter Ted Perry in 1972]

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous

Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- Anonymous

There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell,
it is simply purgatory.
- Abraham Lincoln

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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